Love and Low Self-Esteem

How being in love feels for someone with low self-esteem

by itchypoop

So firstly you see someone, and there's that spark, there's something that tells you that you should go for it. So you do, even though so many other times you would have just told yourself that there's no point because nobody will ever like you.

But you go ahead and put your self out there, which is pretty rare in itself. And then somehow, for some reason, it actually works and you get along. It's so rare that someone would show some genuine interest in you, well at least in your eyes it is. So you hold on to it, you keep trying to ignore that voice in your head that you're not worth a damn.

And I'd like to say that it goes smoothly, but it doesn't. You second guess yourself, wondering if she's actually into you or if she's just going along with it. Like so many others. You want to just be happy and go with it, but you don't, and you just realise the only person you've got to blame is yourself. You throw yourself into making sure it works, because it's one of the few things you've got that might work out for the best, that might make you feel like you're not a complete fuckup.

But eventually, after months and months of second guessing yourself you finally get to a point where you're comfortable and you're in love. Where it's just working.

And it's just nice.

It's really, really, really nice.

You start to think that you're actually better than you give yourself credit, after all, if someone else can love you dearly, surely that means there's something to love.

And then it's just a week or two where someone is busy and you don't meet up. It's the other person forgetting to text back, or losing a phone or something that's actually rather innocent.

And that brings everything back. It's back to you thinking that there's something wrong with you, inherently wrong with you. And you feel like shit for a while, until there's some sign that you're just being stupid and there's no problem. Maybe it's a cycle, maybe it'll get better next time around and you'll actually have some lasting change.

I just don't know at the moment.

So it's easier to fall in love when you think you're shit. But it's a bit of a rollercoaster, and in my experience you keep second guessing yourself that he/she's actually in to you, because your instinct is to think that you're not worth a damn, and it takes a lot to break out of that. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to find someone, just that it's really tough at times.

The trick, for me at least, is knowing when you're in a bad place because of your low self esteem and making sure that you don't fuck anything up because you're being an idiot.

What it is like to date someone with low self-esteem

by bakonydraco

it may be helpful to know and understand how incredibly draining and hurtful it can feel to be dating someone with low self esteem. When you fall head over heels for someone, you love them for who they are, embrace their strengths and accept everything else. To have your love for someone questioned early in a relationship is natural, but to be continuously questioned, no matter how long you've been dating, no matter how thoughtful you are, no matter how much you sing their name from the rooftops and get up early to make them breakfast is soul-crushing.

First it's hurtful because it feels like they don't value your love, because you loving them doesn't make them feel special. Then you start to question if there actually is something wrong with them; if they keep questioning if you really love them, maybe there really is something wrong with them. These two can be overcome with strength and maturity, but what's really difficult is the realization of the possibility that it's possible, no matter what you do, no matter how long, they will never fully accept that you will love them, and that you're facing a life-long mission of convincing the person you're madly in love with that you actually love them.

For all of these reasons, many people make the hard but reasonable decision to break up with someone with low self-esteem. Ironically, the fear of being broken up with causes the break up, and often reduces self-esteem even further.

After my first long relationship with someone with low self-esteem, I gradually started to lose much of my self-worth, and vowed never to date someone without self-esteem until I was mature enough to handle it. As I've matured, I've come to learn that everyone has things that they are insecure about, and that's okay. Part of being in a healthy relationship is accepting your partner for their strengths and insecurities, and helping build through them, while at the same time recognizing your own insecurities, and actively working on tearing them down. If you do not work to fight your own insecurities, you can't expect anyone to help you. And if you do not try to love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you either.

It's incredibly difficult to be someone with low self-esteem, but it's just as hard to be in a relationship with a person with low self-esteem. None of this can be overcome over night, and takes a lot of time, work, and love. I firmly believe that love can be found by anyone, and it is a life-long commitment of work.